Ever Heard a Squirrel Cuss?

Well, I finally heard something that I never would have imagined ever hearing…ever heard a squirrel cuss? It happened like this, bright an early Tuesday morning, I mean early…like 6:30, I’m up by then but I didn’t think much of anybody else was…, I saw a set of truck tail lights going up the driveway behind the house. John Bailey, chairman of our Trustees, had called me the night before to tell me he was sending a crew over to trim the immense old Hackberry tree next to the parsonage, but I thought this was pushing it a little, I mean it was pitch black dark.
Anyway, the taillights I had seen belonged to a truck pulling a wood chipper and behind it was another truck with a “bucket” to lift a fellow up to the height necessary to trim the limbs. By sunup they had each positioned ready to go, had discussed the job front, back, and sideways; and dispatched cups of coffee from McDonalds.
First to go as the sun crested Taylor’s Ridge were the low hanging branches that dragged against the side of the house and along the roof. Next were those that over hung the house and could be a danger in icy weather. Then a few dead ones for good measure and in two hours or so they packed up their stuff and went on down the road. Said they had three more jobs that day. Took all those chipped up limbs with them. Oh well, I’m only half way through the pile of chippings from the next door neighbor’s pine trees.
Now, back to my friend the squirrel. It’s Wednesday morning and I’m sitting on the bench at the back of the yard and suddenly there is a commotion in the pecan tree. I don’t know what offense was given or taken, but two grey squirrels evidently had had a falling out and one took off lickity-split down the tree and across the parsonage roof with the other in hot pursuit. About half way length wise across the roof the lead squirrel turned his head around while he kept running. Couldn’t tell if he was taunting his opponent or just gauging how far he was ahead, but he fit the edge of the roof and with perfect form arched into a jump for that limb he had jumped to all his life…only it wasn’t there anymore. So he sailed through the air, amazing really, he almost made it to the tree trunk! But he missed and landed with a loud “plop” in the dirt at the foot of the tree. He lay there a moment, dazed and confused, and then he jumped to his paws and let out with the awful-est stream of squirrel speech you ever heard. I’ll believe to my dying day he was calling down fire and brimstone on all of us that moved his branch. A good laugh early usually means a good day.
Oh yeah…the moral? Watch where you leap, your limb may not be there anymore!